Today I was thinking about what a movie directed by David Lynch that surveyed the current landscape of American Christianity would look like. It would definitely call for an ensemble cast, featuring actors that you didn’t necessarily expect but that somehow made sense in their roles. I have attempted to come up with a list of actors who could faithfully play these religious luminaries and have shared the result below. Some of the choices may seem a little counter-intuitive, but mull over them a while and see if you don’t find yourself agreeing. So without further ado, here’s the cast for the movie about American Christianity that no one asked for:

• John Piper – Larry David

• Joel Osteen – Tom Cruise

• Beth Moore – Holly Hunter

• John MacArthur – Tommy Lee Jones

• Ed Stetzer – Elvis Costello

• Ann Voskamp – Kristin Wiig

• Perry Noble – Woody Harrelson

• Steven Furtick – Joaquin Phoenix

• Carl Lentz – Justin Timberlake

• Tim Keller – I’m torn between two actors to play Keller. I’d be happy with either Wallace Shawn (Vizzini in The Princess Bride) or Bob Balaban (had a recurring role on Seinfeld as Russell Dalrymple, the fictional president of NBC).

• Mark Driscoll – Vincent D’Onofrio

• Mark Dever – Kevin Spacey

• Francis Chan – Jay Chou

• Michael Horton – Gary Oldman

• James MacDonald – Nicholas Cage

• Thabiti Anyabwile – Forest Whitaker

• Kevin DeYoung – Jon Heder

• Albert Mohler – Kelsey Grammer

• T.D. Jakes – Tyler Perry

• James White – John Malkovich